★ 5 / 10
I haven't an f***ing clue what I just
JPV852
I haven't an f***ing clue what I just f***ing watched. WTF. You could not pay me $50 to explain the plot. Seriously, the weirdest, most confusing movie I've…
I haven't an f***ing clue what I just f***ing watched. WTF. You could not pay me $50 to explain the plot. Seriously, the weirdest, most confusing movie I've ever seen. Of the who, what, where and why, I can only say where: Athens Greece. That's it. Some lovely ladies, including the one on the cover art, though she's an assassin (I guess) and only in the movie for like 5 minutes. Honestly, I have no more words for this, whatever it is. **2.5/5** (1/5 for how bizarre it is, 5/5 for how bizarre it is).
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★ 4 / 10
Mediterranean Mishaps & Messy Mayhem ???⚡
CrimsonRaptor
Death Has Blue Eyes is one of those eccentric 1970s oddities that feels like it sprang straight from the bottom shelf of a dusty VHS rental store. It's a film…
Death Has Blue Eyes is one of those eccentric 1970s oddities that feels like it sprang straight from the bottom shelf of a dusty VHS rental store. It's a film that tosses together a loose espionage plot, psychic powers, car chases, and erotic diversions, then wraps it all in a hazy, sun-bleached aesthetic that screams Eurocult. But for all its scattered charm and offbeat ambition, the film never quite finds its rhythm, instead stumbling through a muddled script and inconsistent tone.Visually, the movie is bathed in that grainy Mediterranean glow that defines many Greek genre films of the era. The seaside locations and bright skies provide a deceptively breezy backdrop to what's actually a fairly grimy underworld of hitmen, psychic experiments, and covert surveillance. Director Nico Mastorakis has a clear love for international thrillers, but his execution is uneven. Action sequences veer between sluggish and slapstick, and the erotic elements are more awkward than sensual, feeling less like deliberate provocation and more like obligatory genre padding.Jessica Dublin, as the mysterious Eastern European agent Geraldine, is perhaps the most memorable figure in the cast. She brings a cool detachment that borders on robotic, which suits her character but offers little emotional texture. Maria Aliferi, playing the clairvoyant girl, has a quiet intensity, though the script rarely gives her anything substantial to do beyond stare into the distance or get undressed. The central character, a fast-talking hustler type played by Chris Nomikos, anchors the film with a kind of greasy charm, but he's more of a cipher than a compelling protagonist.The film's biggest issue is its identity crisis. Is it a sci-fi thriller? A softcore caper? A satire of spy flicks? At times it hints at each, but never fully commits to any. The pacing lurches from meandering conversations to sudden bursts of violence, while the musical score jumps between sleazy lounge and spaced-out synth with little cohesion.Still, there's a certain curiosity factor to it all. For viewers with a taste for exploitation cinema, Death Has Blue Eyes offers a time capsule glimpse into a bygone era of anything-goes filmmaking. It never truly delivers on its potential, but there's enough weirdness and aesthetic appeal to justify a late-night watch with adjusted expectations.
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★ 1 / 10
..... (Speechless)
anxietyresister
Fancy wasting your time? Then check out this Grecian offering, which boasts two of the most obnoxious men you'll ever meet. They're cards, they really are..…
Fancy wasting your time? Then check out this Grecian offering, which boasts two of the most obnoxious men you'll ever meet. They're cards, they really are.. stealing things from incredibly stupid people, sleeping with whoever they want despite being unbelievably ugly and dodging fake looking bullets and dodgy motorcycle thugs like there's no tomorrow. Who better to protect the life of a psychic who has witnessed a murder in Poland, I ask you? 'Hilarious' adventures with naked maids, rude talking birds and stripping at gunpoint ensue.
It is difficult for me express just how appalling this film is. Every single aspect of it stinks in a way few films do, and it takes a special kind of non-talent to make something this offensively bad. The metaphor that I could use is that of a modern art picture, where people throw random amounts of paint at the canvas and hope it will turn out to be a masterpiece. Unfortunately, all we end up with here is a mess, and a tedious and pointless one at that. It isn't even worth me thinking up an amusing punchline to end the review like I usually do. So I'll simply close by stating for the record I wouldn't wish this movie on my worst enemy, and if any of the actors/ directors/ caterers involved in this crap had any sort of career afterwards, the world is indeed a tragic place..
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80%
AUDIENCE
4.5/10
685
