★ 4 / 10
I finally watched the movie because I wanted
RealZero
I finally watched the movie because I wanted to know if it was as bad as the screencaps I knew looked... Okay, I think I have to split this in two parts: How…
I finally watched the movie because I wanted to know if it was as bad as the screencaps I knew looked...
Okay, I think I have to split this in two parts:
How is it as a Super Mario movie? Absolutely horrible! ?
As in...it has nothing to do with Mario except from using several character names for characters that have barely anything to do with Mario at all. And the protagonists are plumbers. So, yeah, absolutely no relation to the actual franchise.
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How was it as a movie?
That's actually harder to say.
For about the first half of the movie, or maybe even 2/3, I'd say the movie is, kinda, a somewhat entertaining trash movie. A little bit random chaos and silliness, similar to, for example, the live-action "Double Dragon" movie. If you ignore the "Mario Bros." part and just see it as a silly adventure movie with a dystopian parallel-dimension and an evil antagonist that wants to rule/destroy mankind, it's kinda fun in it's cheapness.
The "Koopa dimension" does actually look kinda cool in a dirty, cyberpunk-ish way, I actually liked the mood in that one. Crazy designs, Mad Max-like ripped police cars, flamethrowers, these parts were random, but certainly kinda fun, I mean, sure, police chases in crazy cars, evil police wearing spiked outfits, flamethrowers and explosions?
That kinda a cool thing for an action movie, right?
And it also is quite funny if you just look at how completely unfitting all Mario-related things were. "WTF, THAT is Toad?!" "Hell, THAT is supposed a Goomba?!". Quite some moments that can make you laugh if you pretend it to be a really cheap fan-movie, instead of a licensed production.
So, at the halfway point I thought "Okay, really bad Mario movie, but kinda entertaining action-comedy."
Sadly the last third or so really loses on that one again. Any fights and action towards the end gets even more random than the movie is generally, jumping between scenes, cheap animations and basically no cohesion between happening stuff. And that, sadly, kinda kills the "kinda cool trash" vibe for me.
The monster costumes are quite horrible, not only in that they look nothing like Mario-characters, but also just bad in general. Especially compared to the much older "Gremlins" movie, for example.
So, yeah...not a good movie, not even ignoring the Mario part. I think it is fun to watch ONCE to laugh about how they "interpreted" the Mario franchise, though.
--
But, to be fair, let me also list the good points:
- The Koopa dimension looks kinda cool
- Bob Hoskins does a quite good job and the dynamic with John Leguizamo is good as well. Although, or maybe because, it kinda feels like a Bud Spencer and Terence Hill relationship, somehow
And, well...
- Francesca P. Roberts as Big Bertha is damn sexy and I wanna dance with her, as well!
--
So, yeah...not a good movie, but some good actors. Watch it once to make fun about how it's absolutely NOT a Mario Bros. movie.
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★ 5 / 10
it is still better cinema than 2023 just not better enough to rate it better
agof
I already saw this film, and i think it was in very early 10s. Surely after 2007 and before 2014, yet i have no record of that or any notes anywhere. Probably…
I already saw this film, and i think it was in very early 10s. Surely after 2007 and before 2014, yet i have no record of that or any notes anywhere. Probably i saw it even before i ever finished Super Mario Bros. In 2012, and these could've been related events. I wasn't impressed by it but i didn't hate it either.
So the film is not related to the games at all. Out of all the lazy films in gaming properties of that time, this one probably has the least relation to its source. And it's not like they had to work with only Jumpman, Mario Bros. And Super Mario Bros. The IP was already populated enough, yet still malleable to let your creativity flow. Even i can write a more Mario movie from either jumpman or super. Just make a generic adventure while re-creating some of the key art, and people would eat it and ask for more. Mortal Kombat did that.
As a movie, this story is not entirely hopeless, but it's rather convoluted. It requires a good plot to support such a complex structure. But the plot is rather weak. A lot of the events happen because of the script, instead of organically. Like when they talk through the wall, but you see them falling through a wormhole. If you cut those VFX you lose some visuals, but making it a portal would instantly fix this hole. Big Bertha's switch comes out of nowhere. Daisy is a dinosaur, but her dad was devolved into fungus? And then he evolved himself back? But none of the goombas? There is the pay-off for the dance scene, but it comes out of nowhere and for no reason. They just fled behind the troops' backs anyway.
The writing is targeting babies, so it's not good, and it's all just childish comedy writing. Many line go nowhere. The epitome of that is the post-credits joke. They could've referenced any of the real games, instead, it is a pointless not-funny non sequitur. The one thing i will call good is Mario Mario and Luigi Mario. Because how can they be Mario Bros. Otherwise?
But also it's an absolutely great-looking movie. The infestation is gross, the CGI is old, but the practical effects are some of the best in cinema. Everything physical related to dinosaurs is beyond believable and expressive. The props and the dystopian setting beloved by the 90s movies are also good. Product placement sucks, tho. It's not good period, but some movies at least write it into the storyline, instead of just branding bob-omb with reebok.
It is a good enough watch it's not boring and is not too cringy. With still better story and still better plot than The Super Mario Bros. Movie, with amazing visuals, i was really tempted to say that it's a better film. But when something is called Super Mario Bros. And it is not Super Mario Bros. In any way, shape or form, while the other film delivers a lot of on-point ingredients, i can't sincerely rate it better.
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