Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls (2008) YTS

Reviewed by CinemaSerf 3 / 10

A straight remake of H. Rider Haggard's "King

A straight remake of H. Rider Haggard's "King Solomon's Mines" that really does beggar belief! Aside from some decent location photography, this is about as action free an adventure film as I think I have ever seen. A mean and moody Sean Cameron Michael takes the title role, with Christopher Adams really pretty hammy as baddie "Hartford"; Natalie Stone pouts magnificently as "Lady Anna" with the weak and feeble, almost preppie, Daniel Bonjour ("Sir Henry") bringing up the rear as they search for the latter man's long lost brother "Neville" (Nick Everhart). Simply, this is an howler with virtually no redeeming features aside from being marginally less static than my television screen-saver. The dialogue and score offer little by way of a lifeline for this totally unnecessary re-versioning of a great adventure story reduced here to some posh accents, way too much chatter and hardly any actual vitality at all. There is a slight twist at the end from the book, but that really can't make anything like enough of a difference to rescue this from then doldrums of abject mediocrity in which it belongs. I just wouldn't bother, if I were you.

Reviewed by Wuchak 5 / 10

_**Grim, low-budget version of “King Solomon’s Mines” shot

_**Grim, low-budget version of “King Solomon’s Mines” shot in South Africa**_ Needing quick cash to get his son through college, Allan Quartermain (Sean Cameron Michael) accepts a gig to help a young noble woman (Natalie Stone) & her beau (Daniel Bonjour) find her lost brother who was on an expedition to find the legendary King Solomon’s Mines in remote southeast Africa. Unfortunately for them, an evil mogul wants the map they’re using (Christopher Adamson). “Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls” (2008) was put out by The Asylum just before “Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull” debuted. The company is notorious for releasing cheap knockoffs of major releases to steal some of their thunder. The Asylum has certainly put out some cartoony dreck (e.g. "30,000 Leagues Under the Sea" and "Mega Piranha"), but they can also surprise you with some worthy low-budget stuff (e.g. “6 Guns,” "The Land That Time Forgot" and "Grimm's Snow White"). In other words, this movie is a mockbuster, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it HAS to suck. The plot was taken from “King Solomon’s Mines” (1985), but it lacks the over-the-top dynamic fun of that movie, which is wildly entertaining. Instead, this is a grim tale about a small group of people searching for the fabled King Solomon’s Mines in remote South Africa and trying to survive the many challenges. On that sparse level with its low mockbuster budget & dubious F/X and fight choreographics, it can be enjoyed for what it is. There are some highlights: It was shot entirely in scenic areas of South Africa, which is true to the Allan Quartermain mythos since his family was from Durban, South Africa; the tribal women are blatantly top nude (not that I care, but I found it realistic & daring); there’s a cool talon tool used for executions; and there are some quality story elements, like Umbopa’s arc (Wittly Jourdan). The film runs 1 hour, 38 minutes. GRADE: C

Reviewed by fasulo 1 / 10

Temple of the Empty Skulls

Not just Allan Quatermain, but anyone who would watch this movie has to be out of their skull. This was such a terrible movie that I wanted to walk out of the theater and go home. The problem was I was already home, watching it on a DVD.

There were so many things wrong with this movie that it would be impossible to list them all, but I'll give you a few examples.

How about going off for a hiking expedition without taking any supplies, not even water or food. They didn't even carry canteens. All the bad guy, who was after them, had was a rifle and pistol and the clothes on his back - but no hat. I thought it got hot in Africa? No one was sweating. I know this because the leading lady's heavy eye makeup never ran.

How can the bad guy take out two crew members of a moving train with two shots but never hit Quatermain even when Quatermain is standing still or is only a few yards away. This happens several times in the movie.

And where did the earthquake come from? Just thrown in for good measure, was it? And when was the last time you explored a dark cavern without any lights? If Quartermain took the job to get the tuition money for his son and then gave it to his housekeeper to mail, what happened to the envelope when the housekeeper went on the trip with him.

At least they didn't have any trouble finding the unknown land where King Solomon's mines were, as a wide dirt road had been created for them to follow. The bad guy had a truck, so why did Quatermain and his party have to walk on the road? Since his house is in the country, you would think he would have a vehicle too.

I have watched many movies where the actors had to walk to get where they were going. I'm surprised that Quatermain's party ever got anywhere. I have never seen people move this slow. I walk faster inside my own house.

And what was that terrible flying swarm? Bloodsucking locusts? Day flying bats? Enraged hummingbirds? Would have been nice to know.

I could go on, but why? So I'll sum it up.

No plot. No character development. No one with any acting ability. On a scale of 1 to 10, I'd give it a -3.

Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls

2008

Action / Adventure / Romance

Allan Quatermain and the Temple of Skulls

2008

Action / Adventure / Romance

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Movie Reviews

A straight remake of H. Rider Haggard's "King

_**Grim, low-budget version of “King Solomon’s Mines” shot

Temple of the Empty Skulls

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